Running for the Refuge

relentless

2010-08-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

MAN! It's been a long time since I have been on here. For my own sake, I need to write more. I guess it's like anything else... seasons. One thing that never changes though, is how God loves me so! I sure am glad that He doesn't love me in 'seasons'!
Over the past few months I have been in numerous conversations with various women where the topic is men... Go figure. "When is the Lord going to bring me a husband?", "Is this guy the right one for me?", "Why doesn't God answer my prayers?", "I am tired of being lonely."
ALL legitimate questions and statements that I have echoed with. But, it has been just recently that God keeps reminding me that what I yearn for and seek is right in front of my face. My maker is my husband. If you aren't a believer, that may sound weird to you, but, hear me out.
A good husband, on his best day, still isn't perfect. Yet, we desire and sometimes expect him to be. He should be meeting our emotional, physical, mental needs, right? NO!!!
The problem doesn't lie within him, it lies within us. We are looking to the wrong source for our needs to be met. God is more than able to give us everything we need when we need it.
Check out these 3 different situations that I found myself in...
1. about 3 weeks ago, I tried to cut my finger off with some hedge trimmers. Called a very close male friend of mine (Godly man who would give his right arm to me) and he hooked me up with a hand specialist, a no-wait ER visit, and got my stitches out for free. He even held my hand when the doc gave me the numbing shot.
2. I was out on my (awesome ) scooter, and I ran out of gas. No joke, I didn't wait 2 minutes and 3 different men stopped to help me. (once again, all Godly men), two went to get me gas, and one stayed with me and allowed me to stay in his car due to the heat! I was gassed up and ready to ride within 20 minutes!
3. Was out on my road bike and blew a tire. Had no phone, and was 4 miles out from my car. I only had 15 minutes to get back in time to pick up Taytum... AHHHHH! (i know, never go without my phone) Anyway, a nice gentleman (complete stranger) took me back to my car.

All of these things are things that my 'husband' should have helped me do, but, since I don't have an earthly husband anymore, I have learned to rely on my one true love. The one who told me that He would never leave or forsake me. The one who says I'm more precious than silver or gold, the one who adores me. The one who truly wipes away all my tears and who will NEVER abandon me or chose someone else over me.
How sweet is He? It's nice to be loved. Whether you are married or not, I pray that you allow God to romance you this week!

My life on paper.

2010-04-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

So, lately, I have been thinking about what it means to be rich. I guess you could have all kinds of views on it. But, for me, it's pretty simple. I recently did an exercise that helped me really look at my life...
I put it on paper.
1. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. (this alone makes me rich beyond measure)
2. I deeply love people and I am deeply loved by people.
3. I know, really KNOW, a small community of people and I am known, really KNOWN by these same people.
4. I have a beautiful and amazing daughter.
5. I love what I get to do for a living.
6. I own a car, have a roof over my head, and as far back as I can remember, I have never had to skip a meal due to lack of resources.

When I reflect on all of these things, I can't help but smile and know that God has given me all of this! There is a huge portion of the world who have never even heard of Jesus Christ, let alone have a relationship with Him. Many people walk around never truly feeling loved or known by ANYONE! think about that. All of us who have family or close friends are VERY blessed and should never take it for granted.
I have many people in my little life alone who cannot or have not been able to have children. How did I get so blessed??? and coupled with that, many people who desperately want to be married but have never found the one to capture their heart, are still waiting to be married. I have had the opportunity to do both. WOW! WHY?
Almost daily I hear of people complain about their job. Why is it that God blessed me with a job that I absolutely love? I get to minister to people and be able to provide for my family with it??? seriously? Only God could have set this up for me.
I could go on and on about how we as Americans are the richest people on the planet earth. Most people in the world will never own a car. Many people in the world have to go days before they are able to eat.
It would be a travesty for me to look at my life on paper and think, "Whoa is me." NOw, many would argue that I would be valid in that mentality because of what's happened to me, but I will fight that mentality until the day I die. That is called our flesh and it needs to be put to death everyday. Christ died to give me life and that is what I am celebrating today... an abundant life! God bless.
(and for those of you who did not hear how much we raised at our last race for running for the refuge... we raised a little over $5,000! Praise God!)

still wandering

2010-03-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well, still feel like a lone wanderer. I feel God's presence when I am paying attention. That's the key, you know... Some moments I am more aware of Him than others. You still just want to be hugged though, you know? Or cuddled or held or kissed or even NOTICED for that matter... But, I am learning so many things in this season. Contentment. Joy. Peace. Trust. Tenacity. Patience. Patience. Patience
I will say there seems to be a theme right now with my intolerance button... It's fakeness. I have zero tolerance for it. I'm finding myself very angry at times with people who represent themselves in one way and completely act another. whether in closed doors or just bluntly out in the open. My question is WHY? Why do people do this? I know the saying that hurt people hurt people... But, that's just not good enough for me these days...
If you're a fish, be a fish. If you are a morning person, be a morning person. If you like painting, then paint. If you are a jerk, BE A JERK. If you're not sorry, then don't say it. If you really want to BE something then, BE it! all this hem-hawing around is getting on my nerves. I'm ready for some black and white kind of people, you know? TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH. Why is everyone so afraid of it? What is the matter with people???? I have asked this question 30 times this past week if not 300!!!
This is not coming from a self-righteous heart because with me... what you see is what you get! I am not trying to be something that I am not. I know, I know, I am totally on a soap box right now!!! Isn't that what blogging is for? ha ha. I'm just tired of this affecting me and the ones I love.
It's soooo old. That's what I want to ask a 'fake' person... "Does this ever get old to you? Do you ever get tired of yourself?"
Ok. I will climb down off of the box now.
I am, however, excited about many things right now. I will find out here in a few weeks if I made it into the New York Marathon!!! YEAH! Just finished Lexington's first half with about 30 other running for the refuge runners! I am not sure yet how much we raised. Summer is getting closer! And I will be laying on a Florida Beach in 6 weeks... Oh my GOSH!!!!
Blessings to you all!

desert

2010-02-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

ONe of my favorite lines to one of my favorite songs...
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

I truly feel that I am definitely in the desert right now. Alone, thirsty, waiting, sad, and impatient.

The thing that I am realizing about the desert is that there are soooo many mirages in this place.

Things that I think will take the loneliness away. Things that I think will numb the pain that I

am experiencing. Counterfeit stuff that I think will quench my thirst. And finally, I find myself

using methods that will attempt to hasten my stay in this dry and weary land. Is there

abundant living in the desert? Sure doesn't feel like it. And then I read Isaiah 30:15... "Your

salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your

strength will come from settling down in complete dependance on me."

So, this is what I am attempting this week! To rest, be quiet, trust, and surrender. That should

be pretty easy, right?

The end of the song goes like this:

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

I know the time is coming that favor and providence will flow. I just have to be patient and wait. Hope you all have a great week.

counterfeit lying next to me?

2010-02-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

As I was running this morning I listened to one of my favorite songs... Can I Lie Here. Here are the lyrics:
Can I lie here in Your arms
Can I lie here in Your arms
My only calm is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms
Can I lie here in Your arms
My only thought is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms
Can I lie here in Your arms
My happiness is You
Save me

Oh how lovely this place
To be with You
To be with You

Oh the brightness of Your face
Here with You
Here with You

Oh my only calm is You
Oh my only thought is You
Oh my happiness is You
Oh my happiness is You

To be with You
To be with You
Save me

I started thinking to myself... Could I literally lie here in my bed with just me and Jesus for the rest of my life? Do I really believe what I read and sing? Is He my only calm? Is He my happiness? Are my thoughts on Him and not a bunch of other men? Do I believe only He can save me? Do I even believe that He is here with me in my loneliest times? I HAVE to, in faith, believe the answer is yes to all those questions. And when I say yes, I feel peace wash over me.
I don't want counterfeit lying next to me. EVER. I have tasted that and it is toxic. None of this comes real easy for me, but, I DO know this... it's worth it. Whew! the things I think of when I am running...

trade in

2010-02-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

January sucked. pretty much. I was sad most of the month. For many reasons, I guess. Weather, turning another year older, watching people make hurtful choices, getting kicked in the gut (figuratively), being divorced a year, Haiti, broken people/ broken lives. And on and on the list goes...

If you really want to know how I felt, I really just wanted to trade in my story. I told God that my story was too burdensome. It's too heavy. It's too hard. There are moments that I still feel that way, but I think I am slowly coming out of that dark corner that I was getting pushed further and further into.

What I have to remember is that my story is my story. No one else can live it or tell it. It is a gift given to me by God. How dare I say I want to trade it in? I think it (my story) was becoming too heavy because I was trying to carry it and write it all on my own. That never really works out real well. As Dr Phil says, "how's that working for ya?" ha ha.

I think that I have also tried to grieve perfectly. This is an impossible task. I have literally fumbled my way through this past year and a half! Grieving is messy... it just is. The quicker I can get that concept down... the BETTER! All I know is is that I want God to write my story, not me. And I also want Him to carry me through it instead of me trying to do it on my own at times. Sorry this is kind of heavy, but it's good for me to just get it out. Vomit. vomit. vomit. There! I feel better.

I have been reading a book called a Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller ( i highly recommend it). Its all about story. What I am learning is that I want my story to be exciting! full of adventure! with twists and turns. And I want it to mean something! I want to constantly be doing something that MATTERS! It must have meaning or else I AM ready to end the book of my life.

So, here you go God... I'm all yours! Just give me some reprieve from time to time.

Darkness and light

2010-01-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

So, my daughter actually slept in the other morning and so, I was able to get up before her and start my rituals in the bathroom. She came in at one point squinting because the brightness of the light was too much for her sleepy eyes. She said, "Too bright mommy, too bright!" It got me thinking...
I have been thinking a lot lately about rejection. We all have been rejected at one time or another and it hurts really bad. Its just part of life, I guess. But, I think I've come to a conclusion about a certain type of rejection. It's between darkness and light. You know that the two can't co-exist. One can't be in the presence of the other. One rejects the other... I have watched people who are not really walking with the Lord get irritated or frustrated with the people in their life that love them the most. They regect them I KNOW... I have been there! When I was in college, I wasn't actively walking with the Lord. I lived with my sister WHO WAS. She got on my nerves a lot. It was because my flesh was battling with her spirit. I rolled my eyes at her all the time. But, it was because she was speaking truth to me and I just didn't want to hear it.
When I see this going on now, I totally get why!!!! It's because we are so freaking stubborn, selfish, and completely living out of our flesh. This only leads to poor decisions, hurts, and regrets.
This gives me such perspective when I try to figure out why people would want to hurt me. Or why people hurt people in general.... It's the darkness and light thing. Our flesh cannot co-exist with the Spirit of God. That's why we HAVE to die to ourselves everyday so that our flesh won't get the better of us and hurt people in the process. So, if you are going to get mad, get mad at the enemy. He is the master-mind behind all of this. he's behind all the pain, hurt, misery, and addictions. And remember wounded people wound people. Love you all. Have a good night!

waste of time

2010-01-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

As we go through rough times and trials it requires a lot of time of devotion to prayer and mental processing. Which is all good. I think God wants us to 'wrestle' with stuff and not take anything lightly. BUT, I was convicted today about the time I spend thinking about me and my little 'ole life. I realized today that the things that are keeping me up at night and the things that make me cry or the things that consume my mind are really at times, very selfish things. I mean, read Ecclesiastes... wow. Our life is so short...like a vapor. In an instant I am going to be looking my Maker in the face and He is going to ask me how I spent my time down here on this earth! I want to be able to give Him a good answer.
I mean, shouldn't sex-trafficing keep me up at night? shouldn't little boys made to kill their parents and join an army cause me to weep in my bed? What about the women in my community that are in chains and bondage of the strip club industry. Why do I cry at my petty little stuff and not weep at them???? this is really disturbing me tonight. I am too worried about my little ole self. I need to be interceeding for the lost, the broken, the hurting, the less-fortunate... Why do I do this? Why do we all do this? Lord, forgive me. This is the first week of training for the Lexington Half- marathon. It is MArch 28th. I already have 42 people signed up to run in my running group "running for the refuge"! praise God. I pray that we can pull together and make a huge impact on this ministry. Let me know if you want to be a part of a revelutionary movement. Love you all!

Rod and staff

2009-12-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

So, something just keeps bringing me back to these two words (rod and staff). Psm 23 is probably one of my favorites. Rod - an instrument of authority. It was used by shepherds for counting, guiding, rescuing, and protecting sheep. A staff was used for support. I find it so interesting that we are referred to as sheep SO many times in scripture. God is always counting... to see if you are accounted for. Kind of like when we used to take jr high students to a conference or something and we had to count them once we got back on the bus to make sure they were all there. WE would NEVER leave one behind. Just like God doesn't want one to perish. He guides us everyday with his word and wise counsel! He rescues us from pits that we have either fallen in to or been pushed in to. He protects us like in psm 32:7 He is our hiding place; he protects us from trouble and surrounds us with songs of deliverance. One of my dearest friends, Amanda, once said, "I wonder what it sounded like the night before God parted the Read Sea?" The rushing water... I bet it was loud. It was the sound of deliverance and I'm sure it was powerful and majestic. Sometimes when I am having a rough day, I just pretend like I can hear that water and it calms me. I am so glad that He accounts for me, guides and protects me, rescues me. Why would I ever walk in fear?
Love you all!

forgiveness

2009-11-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

I think that I am just beginning to crack the smallest bit of shell when it comes to forgiveness. I was recently reading in ephesians about this very subject. It says to forgive just as Christ forgives. Well.... what in the heck does that mean? I am nowhere near Christ's ability to forgive!!!!! But, Christ living in me does, thank goodness. When you think about how He forgives, how exactly does that work? Well, He forgives quickly and completely. what's quickly? a day? a week? a year? is it a process? I think it can be all the above! AT least, I hope so. Completely... what does that mean? It means all of it. ALL of the hurt. All of the pain caused. Forgiven.
I have been struggling with forgiving the ones who have hurt me so deeply. IT IS SOOOO HARD. I beg God to help me forgive. Most days I just have to say it in Jesus' name. I cannot do it through mine. But, in order for me to move on with my life in a 'whole' way, I must strive for this. I feel as though I need to write a letter, but as of now, Thursday night, Nov 19th, I'm not ready. Please forgive me Lord ad give me the strength to do what needs to be done. Love you all!

people pleasing

2009-11-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we sometimes say, "Well, I'm just a people pleaser."???? I guess I/we don't realize that we are completely speaking that over ourselves. I mean, we say it as if it's the absolute truth. Why can't we just stop and say, "I am no longer a people pleaser?" Just stop! Quit saying you want to stop and you ought to stop... Just STOP. It will bring an unbelievable amount of peace to your life. Ultimately we are to please God. If we are concerned with pleasing God first, just as Jesus was while on this earth, then everything/everyone else takes the back seat. And besides, it's an impossible task to please all men! It's quite exhausting. Think about this, when we occasionally DO please man, we are not servants of God. (Galatians 1:10) We can't please both. If we are in tune and in step with the Holy Spirit at all times, trying to please Him and only Him, we will have so much peace, we won't know what to do with it.

WEll, I am done with training. It's kind of sad, really. It's kind of like your wedding day. You prepare for soooo long and it's all you talk about for quite some time, then, BOOM it's done! This happens to me every time. So, I am ready to take on the next assignment God has for me. He's so good at that. He equips you for the unknown and then makes known what it is that you are to do. It's so much fun isn't it? It's like an adventure everyday!!! And people say living the life of a Christian is boring! WHAT??? please... It's like constantly watching a broadway show, but BETTER. Or a really amazing movie, but BETTER! I would never trade this in! well, love you all. have a great week! T

reflection

2009-11-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

Well.... I was thinking this morning during the 11:30 service, that one week ago I was on mile 21, almost done. I cannot believe that it has come and gone. What an amazing journey! I will tell ya what, though, it did not come without sacrifice! All that training and time. The days that I absolutely did not want to train... wow. I look back on all the supernatural strength that God imparted on me to help me complete the task. all glory and honor go to Him for this victory in my life. I am telling you what, a marathon is like life in 4 hours! there's pacing, plateuos, excitement, pain, tears, sweat, exhaustion, joy, and on and on.
the interesting part of the weekend was how my support kept getting taken away from me. First, my sister and her husband couldn't come due to a death in their family, then, my best friend from high school couldn't come due to illness, and another friend had surgery and couldn't make it! It was as if God was saying to me..."I'm your portion, I'm all you need." (A lesson that He's been teaching me lately.) I'm telling you what, there are so many things to learn in singleness! He is jealous for me... He really is. He wants all of my time. And, you know what? He's enough for me. He's more than enough. But, He also knows what we need. He provided Ked and Michelle and Teresa to be there and cheer me on throughout the race and most importantly after the race as I needed some TLC. Just exactly what i needed.
So, as of last week, we have raised over $5,000 for the Refuge! YYYEEEAAAHHHH! thank you all so much for your donations and prayers. Our banquet on tuesday of last week brought in over $70,000! God is just moving and shaking. I love you all so much and can't wait to see what's to come. I am taking a break from running for a while, but watch out, God might be calling you to train for a 'running for the refuge event'! God bless. Taryn

Justice

2009-10-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we always have the need to be justified? To be right? To be heard? I mean, I know why... it's our selfish flesh crying out, wanting to be noticed.
What about when we've been wronged. Why is it that we feel the need to make it right? What about when someone has told a lie about us. Why are we always so quickly on a mission to call them out? I think deep down, that part of the reason is that we don't trust our Father to do the justifying! I can only speak for myself, but, I would dare say we all have struggled with this at some point or another.
Y0u have heard that is was said, "Eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth. But, Jesus said, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other. And if someone wants to sue you and take the shirt off your back, let him have your best coat and make a present of it. and if someone takes an unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. Not more tit-for-tat stuff. Love generously."
Just remember that we have been justified through faith! We have peace because of the cross, therefore live at peace with one another, even if they don't deserve it! ( because we don't either...) Jesus is our justifier! He makes things right! He will stand up for us on our behalf!
Rest in the fact that Jesus was also wronged, falsely accused, and lied about! And He took it to the cross! AMEN! THANK GOODNESS. HALLELUJAH! Love you all. Thanks for reading what God is teaching me.
12 more days till the big race! There is still time to donate! thanks in advance for your prayers!

Approaching...

2009-10-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

Because I have stuck close with my 'plan', I can approach my race with confidence. Because I have tried my hardest to show discipline, I can run this race that has been marked out for me. Because I have sacrificed my time, I will be able to reap the rewards of the satisfaction that will come from crossing that finish line. Yes, it's approaching very rapidly... I am so excited! I can't believe it is only 3 weeks away.
So, I was thinking about a scripture in Hebrews..."Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. " How do we do that? Is it a list of things that I mentioned above? sticking to a rigid plan? Having a disciplined quiet time everyday at the same time? Sacrificing your time at let's say, a homeless shelter? NO! We can't do anything with confidence without CHRIST!!! Grace isn't given to us because we've completed all these tasks. It's a gift that's undeserving. That's why it says in Matthew, " Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Poor in spirit means that they have done absolutely NOTHING to deserve heaven! It's just what God does! He gives out grace to the undeserving. We can try to be as good as possible. We can try to be perfect in the spiritual sense. We can try, try, try. POINTLESS. We approach the throne of grace because Jesus allows us to. He is the source of our confidence. Praise the Lord!
I WILL run this race marked out before me... In the physical sense and spiritual sense. Would you join me? Let's APPROACH the throne of grace together with confidence, not because we have put in the time of training but because of CHRIST alone. Love you all!

I see the light

2009-09-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

well, hello! what a busy last few weeks I have had. My daughter turned 3 today! I just can't believe it. She brings me so much joy. I think I recently realized why God gave me a girl. I had a vision the other day of her and I, hand in hand, being a team for the Lord. I can see her and I bringing wholeness to little girls and their mommies. I can see her witnessing to her little friends at sleepovers and the moms and I hanging out learning more and more about Jesus! It starts when they are young. Learning their worth, that is... I pray that Taytum and I can leave a legacy together of freedom and wholeness in Christ! I know I'm getting a little deep and sentimental, but it really was a vision that came straight from the Lord. I pray that she will be as bold as a lion and gentle as a dove.
In case you were wondering, we are rapidly approaching $3000 with the fund raising!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I am just amazed at what He is doing. I have 4 1/2 weeks left! Oh my word. As of now, my sister and her husband are coming, Ked and Michelle Frank, a woman that will be staying at the refuge when it opens, and possible a few other friends that live in DC. It will be neat to have a cheering squad there. I am getting really excited! My runs are going well and I am feeling really well! I love you all and thank you for your ongoing prayers for the refuge and for my training! Taryn

No sweeter name

2009-09-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! well, I have about 6 weeks left. I CANNOT believe it. the training is going very fast. Although, the next month and a half will be tough. I could definitely use your prayers for supernatural strength.
I was thinking about the meaning of names this week (thanks to one of my friends...) and it's kind of neat to look up what people's names mean along with your own. My name means strong tower! ha ha. too cool. Anyway, I was reflecting on the sermon from a few weeks ago and Jon was describing the fatti tattoo that will be across Jesus' thigh... KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. That's my kind of a name. Would I be so bold to tattoo Jesus' name on me? I guess it's kind of the same thing if I profess with my mouth that I am a Christ follower. I might just as well have Jesus tattooed across my forehead. It got me to thinking about what names I have made famous... Let's start with my own... I mean, how many of us try to promote ourselves into certain postions? Or try to make ourselves seem better that we really are? Or how about how much we talk about a sports figure or a movie star or Oprah, for goodness sakes!!!
In reality, we should really only be spending our time making Jesus famous. Don't we find ourselves talking about the things we love? Well, I'm madly in love with Him, so I'm just going to talk about Him as much as I possibly can. I mean, if you talk about Him and I talk about Him, sooner or later people are gonna wanna know who HE IS! Couple that with some intense, authentic love and BOOM... He's been made famous! So, when you are sad... talk about Him. When you are happy... talk about Him. When you are angry... talk about Him. Excited, Him. frustrated, Him. He makes all things better.
There is no sweeter name than the name of Jesus. He is the light to our hearts and our souls, He is the light to the darkness that surrounds us, He is the hope to the hopeless and broken, He is the only truth and only way. Have a great night! love you all

POWER!

2009-08-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well, the power of the Holy Spirit is definitely at work. The money is ROLLING in! Praise the Lord. I am not sure exactly where we are at, but, I think it's nearing $1500!!! Keep it coming is all I've got to say!
A plane ticket and a hotel has been paid in full for a woman who has gotten out of the industry! I really wanted to take her with me to the race so that she can see with her own eyes how amazing God is even through a small thing like a race. I am stoked about taking her!
So, I listened to a podcast today (Yes, it was Francis Chan), about power. His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. The POWER that raised Christ from the dead is in me and YOU! WHAT?!!? Really? Yes, it's true. I have had the pleasure of experiencing this. What I have learned is that when you face something like an illness such as cancer, this gives you the opportunity to learn perseverance. You persevere through the chemo, radiation, Dr's appointments, and fatigue. Or let's talk about endurance. How about the person who has gone though a LONG divorce. Court dates, judges, lawyers, custody battles, and on and on the list goes. An unwanted, but an amazing time to learn about enduring! What about the person who has waited their entire to life to meet the "right one"? and they are 37 and not even dating anyone? Patience has become their companion. I am not saying that you can't learn about these qualities and characteristics with absolutely no suffering in your life, I am just saying that you get an incomparable opportunity to sharpen and refine these tools when put through the fire. You can say what I have had to say to myself many times, "HERE'S MY CHANCE!" Here's my chance to persevere. Here's my chance to endure. Here's my chance to show some patience. WOW, what an honor and privilege that God has entrusted me to this task. Consider yourselves blessed, as James puts it. We must rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope NEVER disappoints us. never. I love you all. Good night!

AAA

2009-08-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Got a 7 miler in today. Felt awesome! God is helping me sooo much in strength and endurance through this whole process! I pray everyday for supernatural strength to match the task He has set before me, and He is faithful ALL the time! So, on my run today, I got a clearer picture of my calling to this thing called life. But, in all reality, it's really ALL our calling. God used 3 words to make it simple for me and they all start with the letter A...

Simple truth for simple minds... here we go!

First off, we are called to be Christ's ambassadors! Ephesians 6:20. This term is described as a diplomatic official serving the HIGHEST rank! Sent by one sovereign or state to another as it's representative. If you wear the name Christ, you are an ambassador! Which means you need to r-e-p-r-e-s-e-n-t! Go to bat for Him. Stand up for Him. Make clear His message to others.

Second, we are to be advocates for the unbeliever. Listen, I know what it's like to be lied to. lied to in the most awful way. I now have an understanding of how unbelievers feel about the church! They have been lied to! They have been told that they would be clothed, fed, taken care of, LOVED! We have failed them! We need to be an advocate in a way that says, "Hey, I am not going to tell you I love you and wish the best for you, I am going to SHOW you!"

Thirdly, we are to be Army recruiters! This one is for the believer! We need to constantly remind one another that we are in battle whether we acknowledge it or not! Look at your friend or spouse and say, "It's time to put your armor on, man!" If we even think we can walk out of our bedroom in the morning without putting it on, we are in for a massacre... (some days are worse than others...)

So, in my on-going running summary, God imparted the wisdom of being ambassadors, advocates, and army recruiters! Go gettum team! On 3... BREAK! love you - T

It's time...

2009-08-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

I recently felt like God was telling me to tell a fellow worker, "It's time." I don't really know why, I just knew that he needed to hear that. So, I was obedient and told him. Well, tonight at church, I felt like this was the theme. It IS time... It's time to let Jesus lead us. I mean, if He hung on a tree for me, can't I stand up for Him? If He has faith in me, can't I have faith in Him? If He sacrifices for me, can't I sacrifice for Him? Why are we all wasting soooo much time? It's rediculous. Our time on this earth is sooooo short. Let's all just do the thing. It's time to just start loving people the way they need to be loved. No gimmicks, no tricks, Just love.

Ok, so some updates on the refuge. Ked Frank has officially taken on the full-time roll of being on staff with the non-profit organization, the Refuge For Women. Everything is starting to fall into place. We are still in need of some prayer for a women who feels led to be the housemom of the Refuge. So, you all can pray for that! I just recently had a person donate the money for a plane ticket for a refuge candidate to come to my race with me!!! Praise God! We will see where that goes! I can't wait to watch God work as money starts to come in in response to the letters going out! God is teaching me so much through this whole process and I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow morning when I wake up. He just keeps surprising me. I LOVE Him sooooo. Have a great week. T

More than conquerors!

2009-08-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

I often like to refer to myself as Shera or Xenia (princess warrior)...

Why? Because the bible says this of me. It says the same to you. Read Romans 8. Suffering does not separate us from Christ but actually carries us along toward our ultimate goal. Suffering has ALWAYS been a part of God's people. But, we know that God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. If He is for us who can be against us?

We are warriors for Christ because we HAVE to be!!! We HAVE to fight! Why do you think He has had to equip us with Army gear? Belt (of truth), Breastplate (of righteousness), Shield (of faith), Helmet (of salvation), and the Sword (of the spirit). We are to extinguish all flaming arrows that the evil one tries to throw at us. So, whatever you have to refer to yourself as, so be it... mine just happens to be Xenia, princess warrior. He makes us conquerors through His love for us. So, with believing, this, we can be absolutely convinced that neither life nor death, neither angles or demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus the Lord. satan can throw all the arrows he wants, but it's NOT going to work! My God is too mighty and I'm not about to lay down and give up!

I run because it represents my drive to fight. I love the future women residents of the Refuge because Christ first loved me. I am pressing on towards the goal to win the prize and I'm not about to look down or behind and I'm not about to lay down. I am shouting my battle cry... "HE ISSSSSS AAAAABBBLLLLLEEEEE!" LOVE YOU ALL - your fellow warrior in Christ.

Prepare the way

2009-08-10T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hello! I hope you all are well. todays' thoughts are taken from Isaiah 35. My last long run was on saturday morning. IT WAS HORRIBLE. It was hot. i was sick. and this is not a good combination. But, I persevered. I listened to a really cool song called Glory Revealed by Candi Pearson. Such a great song. Look it up if you get a chance. Anyway, it's full-on scripture, which I love! I wish I had the talent to put scripture to song, but I will leave that one to the professionals! The chorus says: "Every valley will be raised. Every mountain be made low. And our ground it will be level. And the rough places smooth. And then we will see the glory of the Lord. All eyes will see the glory of the Lord." This is all talking about preparation. We need to be making ourselves READY! A friend of mine recently told me of his plan to "make himself ready" for his future wife. I thought this was so cool. He is purifying himself by getting rid of the junk in his life that takes his focus off of Jesus. He is preparing his body to be physically fit so that he is found pleasing to her. He is getting rid of his debt to enter in to a debt-free marriage. He is keeping his eye on the prize... The interesting thing is that he doesn't even know her!!! He has never seen her!!! wow. we all have a lesson to learn from this.

We have not physically seen Jesus, but we need to be making ourselves ready for that glorious wedding day. We need to ready our hearts, minds, souls. How do we do this, you ask? By throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles! We need to replace the filth in our minds with God's truth. We need to fill our hearts with God's love so that what comes out of our mouths is only a replica of Him. We need to put into action what it is that He is calling us to do! Just DO THE THANG, as one of my best friends puts it.

Love you all. Have a blessed day!

info

2009-08-04T11:29:00.001-07:00

If any of you want to be on the email list that tells updates and stories about the Refuge or Bruised Reed email Jani Lewis. jlewis@southlandchristian.org love you all!

He noticed me.

2009-08-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

My whole adolescent life I dealt with wanting men to notice me. I wasn't really a great flirt, but in my mind I had my own way of flirting... I considered it a good day if I got a man to 'look' my way. I just wanted to be noticed, to be set apart, to be different and the more I was able to catch a man's eye, the more I felt all those things. Praise be to God that I don't get my fulfillment out of men anymore. I mean, sometimes it will rear it's ugly head, but I know how to combat it now.

It's taken me a good 33 years to realize that the one who is truly romancing me, notices me. Boy, does He ever. He notices not only the Big, Huge things, but the smaller, less trivial things. I put forth a very small desire before the Lord over a year ago and honestly never thought He would grant me that. Well, let me tell you, He is so wild about me that he remembered my tiny plea. He is answering my prayer because He cares and He notices me. Everything about me. The hairs on my head. My likes/dislikes. My quirks. My bad habits. I cannot tell you how good this feels to me. If I would have only caught on earlier in life... God is the most romantic being that I have ever or ever will encounter.

Let Him romance you today! Love love love you!

Throw away the key...

2009-08-02T19:12:00.001-07:00

So, on my run today I listened to a podcast... can you believe that? I know, crazy. It was so amazing. It was on the battlefield of your mind. As I was running, I just kept thinking about what exactly it is that we are supposed to do with these 'thoughts'. God gave me a picture of taking the thought (as if you could hold it) and throwing it into a jail cell. Little does that thought know that his cell mate is Jesus. ha ha ha ha. Good luck with that one. THEN, you get to throw away the key. How comforting is that? For we all know that the first of our battles start in our minds. I also was reminded that God gave us 3 of the strongest weapons know to mankind... 1. the NAME of Jesus. 2. the BLOOD of Jesus. 3. the WORD of God. You cannot lose when you equip yourself with these three things. If you replace negative thoughts with truth, it squeezes out anything that is not of God. For we know that the weapons we fight with are not weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive EVERY thought and make it obedient to Christ. Love you all.

Slip/Push...

2009-07-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so sorry that I haven't blogged in a while. I have been moving and working and raising a 3 yr old. Excuses, excuses I know! Anyway, the Lord has just been flooding me with inspirations, thoughts, and ideas. I don't even know if I can get them all down. But, I will try.

I ran a 10 miler on this past sunday. It was somewhat rough. I was tired from being on my feet the day before and I wasn't getting the right sleep, but none-the-less, I gotter done... ha ha

While I was running I almost turned my ankle. Scared me! But, the Lord used that to teach me something and I thought I would share it. It's called the slip/push. whether we know it or not, we are all one wrong step away from slipping over the edge of this cliff we call 'life'. All it takes is one wrong move, one phone call, one diagnosis, one wrong turn... The question that was posed to me from God was are you ready for that? I mean, is your hand ready to grab mine? In other words, are your hands empty so that you can even grab ahold oh Him? Other times, we are pushed off the cliff. YOu know what I mean... an affair, abuse, discrimination... All SHOVES over the edge by someone else. Not fair. But, I will ask the same question. Are you ready to grab ahold of God's hand? Because, let me tell you, His hand IS ready!!! we all need to EMPTY ourselves so that we can grab ahold of the only thing that can save us. Money can't. Friends can't. church can't. Food can't. Sex can't. Nothing except the hand of the Father. He is ready, are you? love you all!

A time of reflection

2009-07-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

This has been quite a weekend. I just finished a 5 miler. As I ran today I was just reflecting on the weekend and realized a LOT has gone on. First and foremost, I want to tell you about saturday morning which was demolition day for the refuge farmhouse. What a monumental day! There were roughly 20 volunteers ranging from teenagers to mature business men! We literally tore down the walls to this place. gutted it. I can't help but think about the parallelisms with the women who will be living in this place. God is going to do a MAJOR cleaning in the lives of many! He will empty us... only to be filled with His spirit and love and FIRE! I weep just thinking about it. This house will be filled with women who will get to experience the love of our Father in a way that is going to blow them away! Read the lyrics to this song...

oh you bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life, now I'm alive

Oh you give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see you now, in you I'm found

And you open the door for me
And you lay down your life to set me free
All that I am will serve you lord

Oh you fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all you calm my soul

Oh now you find me in my weakness
And heal the wounds of my heartache
And worship for you in spirit and truth

And you open the door for me
And you lay down your life to set me free
All that I am will serve you lord

And you open my eyes to see
All the wondering all of christ in me
Jesus you're everything I need

(Worship)

All honor
All glory
All praise to you (repeat)

And you open the door for me
And you lay down your life to set me free
All that I am will serve you lord

And you open my eyes to see
All the wondering all of christ in me
Jesus you're everything I need

As I pulled up to the road where the farmhouse is, I began to weep. I felt like God was giving me the eyes of the women who is coming here for the first time. Scared, excited, anxious, overjoyed, overwhelmed... I wish you all could see this place. It is absolutely beautiful. I will have some new photos soon. Please pray for the ongoing construction and for the resources that it will take to allow the work to continue. As Ked Frank has said "faith before sight".

The other thing I wanted to share with you is something on a personal note. As some of you know, I have been through quite a season of suffering and mourning. Mourning over the death of a marriage and a life with someone whom I thought I would spend the rest of my time with here on this earth. Yesterday I had to give up my dogs... Yes, very sad. Brady is 11 and Britney is 6. I have gone through many storms as a direct result of my own rebellion. I've also gone through storms as a result of spiritual warfare. But, the most difficult of them have been storms that come as a direct result from another person's poor judgment. This has represented a unique difficulty for me. Why? I have someone else in the flesh and blood to blame! I have felt a much greater potential for bitterness and unforgiveness to reside in my heart! This is something I have to fight off everyday! But, I can tell you this God has proved Himself faithful time and time again. So, be encouraged today and know that He is with you through ANY storm. No matter who causes it... you, the enemy, or someone else. Love you all!

obedience...

2009-07-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

Why is obedience soooo hard? Maybe it's just me, but I have such a hard time with it. I recently asked one of my friends, "Does it say somewhere in the bible that I have to LIKE obedience?"

Even though I know that blessings usually follow obedience, i still struggle with it. Anyone???

Today I was lead to Hebrews 5:7-9. It gave me such peace to know that Christ even had to hit this one head on! He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for ALL WHO OBEY him! Surely, if He can model obedience to death on a cross, I can muster up enough courage to do what God is asking me to do! Love you all. Hope you are having an obedient day!

7 - Miler

2009-07-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

I was blessed enough to get to run another long run on the farm. I will be leaving on tuesday, so I am taking advantage of the beautiful scenery. I listened to a song during this run called All Day by Hillsong. Here are the lyrics:

I don't care what they say about me it's all right.

I don't care what they think about me it's all right. They'll get it one day.

I love you. I'll follow you. You are my life. I will read my bible and pray.

I will follow you all day.

I don't care what it costs anymore

Cause you gave it all and I'm following you.

I don't care what it takes anymore. No matter what happens I'm going your way.

Any one around can see.

Just how good you've been to me for all my friends that don't know you I pray that you would save them to.

Good stuff!

Anyway, the run went well. Athough, I had to make one pit stop...I had to use the restroom, so I pulled off to the side of the road in a wooded area. (you can do this in the country) The only problem was that I got absolutely swarmed with mosquitos!!! Within seconds they were ALL over me. and I mean ALL over... ha ha. Hope you all are well! Have an awesome, God-filled day!

Running on the farm

2009-07-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I am in the second week of my 18-week training. My marathon is October 25th in Washington, DC. I am feeling pretty strong so far. I really worked hard at my pre-training this time around. This will be my 3rd marathon, but the first one that I will have done by myself. Last night I ran through my parent's lane back to the woods and it was so peaceful. It's one of my best ways of clearing my head and really hearing what the Lord wants to tell me or reveal to me. I would recommend this to anyone!!! When I start to feel tired, I just picture the women that I am running for and it's easy to keep going. I am running for THEM! Please pray that I continue to get all my strength from the Lord and not rely on my own...Pray that I will forget what is behind me and strain towards what is ahead. Everyday I am trying to press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me. HEAVENWARD IN CHRIST JESUS! love you all!

2009-07-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is where it begins! A small farm house in a rural setting in Kentucky. It will house 5- 7 women at a time. Life skills will be learned here. Love and acceptance will be offered here. Children will reunite with their mothers here. Addictions will be demolished here. But, most importantly... Jesus will be dwelling here. You won't want to miss this.